Negative Nellies!

Living with poor mental health I always try to look for the positive in life.  Recently I've been removing those that are constantly negative from my life.  It may sound harsh but have a look around you.  Who are the people you'd rather hang around with??!

I'm not talking about those who have a bad day or are going through a rough time.  We all have times like that and being happy and positive is hard.  I'm talking about those who constantly look for the negative in life just so they can moan.  

Why have I done this?  Because to be happy you have to look for it! If happiness and success were easy everyone would be millionaires in their dream jobs!  Life isn't easy, but you don't need to moan about everything.  For example, if it rains when I'm out with Molly I try to look at it that its cooler than usual making it easier to walk rather than moaning I'm getting wet!

One person I've removed from my life would sit and moan about EVERYTHING and if you tried to point out a positive side he'd complain saying you were sticking your nose in!  That then led to me being miserable and quite often angry which did my mental health no good.  So I parted friendships with him.

This morning BBC News they were talking about Happiness courses the Dalai Lama has helped set up.  They teach you Mindfulness and how to be more positive and happy.  They then cut to Dismal Land in Weston Super Mare to a lady who said;

'You can't learn people to be happy, they either are or they ain't'

Oh, where to start!  Maybe with the fact that she looked like she'd swallowed a wasp, or that she looked like she'd never smiled in her life?!

Babies smile and laugh.  Do they do it because they learned or because they're born that way? Does her statement mean that some babies are born unhappy and therefore never laugh or smile?  I've never met a baby that didn't laugh and smile, but that doesn't mean there aren't any out there, but I like to believe that everyone is born with the ability to enjoy life and be happy.  Therefore, we must learn to be miserable and negative too.

Now I'm not talking about the friends you have that some days you have a good moan with.  I've got a few like that and after our moan session we both feel better!  Every one needs to moan some times.  I'm talking about the ones that moan at you all the time and when you leave you feel low and drained.  I was once told these people are Emotion Vampires.  It's a good way of looking at it.  They do drain you and leave you feeling miserable.  Almost as if all the joy has been sucked out of you.

As I said I know people go through tough times.  Sadly I've lost a lot of family and friends the last 4 years, some through long illness, others suddenly.  I choose to look at the positive in it all because if I didn't I'd be sat around crying all the time and one thing I've learned through all those deaths is life is far too short so live for every minute of it.

Being Bipolar and having PTSD and Depression I'm very aware of my mood and how others can change it, which has meant I've learned to notice negative people much quicker than before!  It's become second nature to me.  Sit down and think about the people you know (not just friends.  Acquaintances, co-workers, even people you meet in the street!) Have a think about them, do they seem postitive or negative?  How is your mood after you've met them? How do you feel after they've left?  If the answers are negative or low then maybe it's time to find a way to leave them behind?  It may sound harsh but there are times when you have to think about your own mental health and not others feelings.

I know if you work with some one like this you can't escape them.  You can avoid spending any extra time with them and not talk about personal stuff.  I have someone like that I volunteer with.  She moans about everything and by the time I've left every one feels angry and drained.  I've now started changing the subject to a more positive one that everyone can join in with rather than her sat there moaning dragging every one down!

So that's my challenge to every one I know!  Look for the Negative Nellies in your life and give them the boot!!

And on that note I'm off to volunteer with my NN!  Time for tact and subject changes to begin!! 

What can I do......?

This week has been a tough one.  There have been two anniversaries that remind us all how precious life is.  9/11 and the Manchester Dogs Home fire plus Foodbank was difficult.

9/11 is a day I will never forget.  I had holiday I had to use up at work so I'd booked the day off but left Teri in nursery so I could get some housework done in peace.  I'd just sat down for lunch (cheese sandwich! See I remember every detail!) I put the tv on to watch Neighbours only to see the news was still on.  It took me a while to realise what I was seeing.  I could see one of the Twin Towers on fire.  They were talking about how a plane had hit the tower.  At that point there was nothing to say it was anything other than a very sad accident.  I sat staring at the scene unable to take it all in.  They were talking about how long the hoses would be on the fire engines and what the chances are of people surviving if they were above the fire.  All I could think was ' you idiots, there's no way they can put that fire out!  The fuel will mean it burns too hot for water and foam hoses won't reach that far'.  

The next thing I know live on screen a plane apears in the back ground.  It was as if the whole thing was in slow motion.  As I type this I can see it in my mind.  14 years on and it's as fresh as the day.  The plane seemed to turn and I remember the news presenter said 'Why haven't they shut air space down?'  An expert (how you can be an expert of somthing that had never happened before I don't know!) said they'd probably grounded flights nearby but a few planes maybe still in the air and being diverted.  He was wrong.  The plane wasn't being diverted.  It had been hijacked and it hit the second tower with such force it seemed to explode out the other side of the tower.

At this point it was clear it was no accident.  One plane, yes. Two? No chance. This was terrorist.

I didn't know what to do.  I wanted to talk to someone so I called my friend at work.  She said she'd heard about the first plane from a collegue who had just come into the office.  He'd heard about it on the radio.  When I explained a second plane had hit she told the rest of the office and they decided to go to the electrical shop next door as they had TV's on all the time.

Just as she hung up the first tower came crashing down.  It was like a bad horror movie.  There were reports of other planes going missing, all countries shut their air space down, guesses of how many had been in the tower.  All I could think was, what time did the first plane hit?  What time did the second one hit? How long in between? Because that's how long we've got until the second tower goes.  Sadly I was right.  I sat there counting the minutes down and on cue the tower fell. 

Why am I typing all this? Because it was the point the world changed.  It showed that no one was safe from the terrorist.  They could hit any where any time.  I'd grown up with the IRA bombing London but this was bigger than them.  So many innocent people were killed in one moment.  The Governments decided we had to go to war to 'stop' them.  It was a revenge mission that saw the Stock Market nose dive, trust in governments fall and general chaos to start.  By going into Iraq for the second time (to be honest if Bush snr had done the job properly the first time we wouldn't of had half of this!) causing instability in the Middle East which in turn has caused the Syrian crisis we've got now.  It's something we should never forget.  I won't ever forget those events.

The second anniversary this week was the Manchester Dogs Home Fire.  (click here for pictures) 150 dogs were killed and several others badly injured because of the actions of 2 young boys.  Sadly they were never formally charged with the murders.  Personally I think they should of been strung up.  What the hell they thought they were doing, their age is no excuse either!  They knew what they were doing and I wouldn't be suprised if they did it again.

As my friends all know I'm a big animal lover and I firmly believe those boys should of been charged with murder.  Just because they're dogs doesn't mean they felt less pain, nor did they suffer any less than we would.  The fact that these boys are out there with new identities makes me sick with anger.

Add to that the number of people who came into the Foodbank because they'd had to choose, school uniform or food? You can see why it's been a tough week!  

I've been lucky this year, Teri has left school so I don't have to buy her uniform.  I get why schools have uniform and I agree with it.  What I don't agree with is schools insisting that you buy their stuff with logos etc on and then they charge you a fortune!  Supermarkets do cheap jumpers and shirts but as most schools insist you have their items you can't buy the £2 jumper, you have to buy the £25 one that last half the time the £2 would!

Surely when it gets to the point that some one is going without food just so they can buy their kids uniform we need to say that's enough, STOP.  I wish I could say that it was only in my distribution I'd heard this sad story.  I spoke to two other distributions and they'd had several people in saying the same thing.  It's wrong!

I'm sorry this has become a bit of a rant, but it needs to be said.  Yes there are big things wrong in the world we can't change but there are small things we can.  What would the schools do if every one turned up in a cheap jumper? Suspend they whole school? Or would they back down and let your kids wear it?  Why don't you talk to other parents and see?  We all sit there and say 'I can't change.....' How do you know you can't if you don't try??!

Have a look round and see whats wrong in your life/area and work out how you can change it rather than sit and moan about it.  

Lots happening and happened!

Teri and Molly's walk

Sorry I've not posted for a while.  I've not been well and life has been busy.  I seem to be spending all my time catching up.

Yesterday was a good day.  Steve an I went to London for a fund raiser so Teri stayed home with Molly.  They had a good day.  They curled up in the morning and went for a long walk in the afternoon.  Poor Molly was shattered after a very long walk so she curled up and slept!!!  

Teri broke Molly! lol!

While I was in London I was talking to a friend of Steve's about dogs and how his son brought him a dog when he left home for Canada.  He said he got his dad the dog to keep him company while he was away.  He was saying that the dog had filled the space of a child and he was sightly obsessed with the dog and didn't like to leave him.  It was lovely to speak to some one who feels the same way I do!  I love Teri to pieces and no one will ever replace her but she's growing up and doesn't need me as much any more.  So Molly has stepped into the dependant spot in my life!  

Teri has always been very independent, even before she was a young carer! but now she's leaving school and starting A levels she's getting on with her life and leaving me behind.  Which is how it should be.  That's part of being a kid.  You grow up and leave people behind.  Molly came along at a time when Teri was moving on and she needed some one to care for her.  So we care for each other.  She's there for me and I'm there for her.  Yesterday I missed them both so much.  It was lovely to go out for the day but it's even better to come home.

I was given a single red rose yesterday!  I've never been given a single rose like that!  It was from a friend. He thought he'd offended me, he hadn't! I was more worried about him than anything else!  He was angry about something and I was worried he would do something stupid and get in trouble.  It was lovely being given the rose!  I don't think he realised how much it meant to me.  For some one to think of me like that was really kind.

Mark 'dancing'!!

It was fun at the Dublin Castle.  Mark and Karen came with us, Mark had fun dancing away!!!  I had a laugh with some mates and made some new mates while cheering on Wales in the Rugby!  I've not got a clue about it but I'm part Welsh so I cheered them on! lol!

More Madness

After the rugby I went into the back room and watched More Madness play.  They were really good.  They played all Madness songs and not a few Madness songs and the rest ska.  They also got the crowd going which was good.  Hopefully they'll play again at a Mad Chat Fund Raiser.  

Steve raised a lot yesterday.  £2400 on the Just Giving site for ticket sales then another £240 through sales of donated items.  All the money is going to Teenage Cancer Trust.  Each fund raiser he raises more. People are so generous.  We had donations of items and so many cash donations.  It's lovely and shows people can be very kind and generous even at times when money is tight.

I've decided to spend less time on the PC and more time relaxing doing crafts etc.  I've ordered 'Art Therapy' Magazine and I'm going to set aside time each day for that, I'm also reading Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman's Good Omens book.  I've read it before, about 17 years ago but I'm determined to read it again.  I remember it being very funny and clever!  I'm also crocheting a blanket for me and Molly to curl up under in the winter.  I've done a load of squares so far but I've got loads more to do!  It's something to keep my hands and mind busy.

I'd like to say that I've been out and about having fun the last few weeks and that's why I haven't been on here.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  I'm having big problems with my diabetes.  I don't usually talk about my diabetes because I worry that people will think I'm diabetic because I'm fat and lazy.  I wish!  Mine is due to damage to my pancreas.  It's been 12 years since I was first diagnose, everything was ok.  Under control etc.  Then 12 months ago it went tits up!  It took months and a lot of support from my diabetic nurse Rachel to get things stable.  Then out of the blue 6 weeks ago things suddenly went tits up again!  So back to Rachel every week and up my meds.  After a few weeks it was clear that despite putting my meds up and up.  So now I've got to go back this Tuesday and see what the next plan of action is.  

I know people think diabetes is just high glucose levels, it's not.  In my case it causes my pancreas and liver to swell causing severe pain.  On top of that it sets off other conditions causing pain and discomfort.  So I've spent a lot of time at home in pain.  I'm hoping that I'm reaching the end of it all now and I'll get the meds sorted and everything else will follow.  

Nurse Molly has been very good!!  She forces me to sit down then sits on me so I can't go any where!!! lol!  She's been a god send.  When I'm feeling rough she's there to cheer me up and give me cuddles.  I don't know what I'd do without her.  She's my angel.

Bye xx

Poorly Mol!

We've been a bit worried about Molly the last 48 hours.  She was really down and kept going to the gate, looking down the road.  She was really out of sorts. We then had a 'd'oh' moment when we realised that she was missing the two boys!  

Today she's had lots of cuddles and walks then this afternoon I had to go out.  I was only out for 40 mins tops.  She wasn't happy I was going but when I got home she was back to her usual bouncy self and fine again!

I think the boys going triggered her insecurities and she worried we were going to leave her too.  By me going out then coming back she realised we weren't going to leave her.  Hopefully she's snapped out of it now and she'll be ok again.  It was heart breaking seeing her that upset.

As for me, B12 jab again.  Kind of explains why I've been so down the last few weeks.  Hopefully by tomorrow I'll feel a bit better.  If not I'm sure Mol will cheer me up!

That reminds me, yesterday I left Molly home with Teri while I went shopping.  Teri was watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition.  She said it was a really heartbreaking story and it made her cry.  Molly went up to her and tapped her on her arm, Teri turned round and Mol gave her a big hug!  Teri said she realised what a special little dog she is.  She knew Teri was upset and wanted to make her happy.  She's done it to me a few times but it's the first time she's done it to Teri.  I think it made Teri feel a bit special and closer to Mol too.

Here's hoping we don't have to cheer Mol up tomorrow and the old Mol is back.

Bye x