What's gone wrong with the world??

Honestly, someone tell me what is going on?  When did the world get this 'blame' attitude?  Where did community spirit go?  Why isn't anyone stopping these things?

Yeah, this is a bit of a downer post.  I've just had enough of bad things happening and people sitting by and doing nothing.  So maybe it's time some of us stood up and did something?

In the last week I've read three stories of homeless people being treated like dirt and hear about a 17-year-old sofa surfing.  Apparently it's fine to put metal spikes in the ground to stop people sleeping in a doorway overnight, it's fine to take homeless beggars to court for trying to get enough money to buy a sandwich, it's fine to take a young lad to court because he dared to ask someone for 10p so he could by some food!  

GUESS WHAT???  IT'S NOT OK!

So it's not nice being asked for money.  But stop and think why that person is asking??  How much crap do you have to go through before you'd stand in the street and ask a stranger for money for food??  Now you've thought, look them in the eye and say no.  If you can then get off this page, in fact, get off this planet!  You have no compassion.

I'm telling everyone I know about a group called Swindon Earth Angels.  They are a group of people who have had enough and are getting out there, helping the homeless.  They're cooking food, collecting tents, clothes and anything else they can get so they can give it to those in need.  THAT is community spirit.

There is a man called Steve Carr who is walking from Lands End to John O'Groats to raise awareness of mental health and homelessness.  Please check out his Facebook Page and support him.  It's not on the tv, nor is it in the big papers, but what he's doing is getting word out there and getting people to help.  THAT is community spirit.

So all this is going on, everyday people doing extraordinary things, and what's in the papers??  Oh yeah, let's get the homeless off our streets!  Not let's get the homeless off the streets and into shelters or other places of help.  No, just find a hole and drop them in it!

How can we change this?  By not letting these amazing people go unknown and unseen!  

I want EVERYONE seeing this to go to the Earth Angels site and like them, then share it with everyone you know.  Then go and follow Steve Carr and Mind Canyon and share with everyone.  This is the only way we are ever going to change things.  

If you can help the Earth Angels in any way please do!  Go through your clothes, food cupboards, bedding and anything you don't want please pass it on.  If you have any old camping gear you'll never use please please give it to them!  If you can't get to them let me know and I'll come and pick it up!

Let's prove there is community spirit and do all we can to help the homeless feel like humans and not the rubbish the press and councils make them out to be.

How can they be getting away with this??

It's 2016?  We're aware of the risk of animal extinction?  We know about 'balance' and 'natural order'?

THEN WHY THE HELL IS THE WORLD LETTING JAPAN GET AWAY WITH THIS???!!

Dolphin Project filming Japanese fishermen capturing and killing Bottle Nose Dolphins

The excuse they use is dolphins eat fish, so by killing the dolphins they stop them eating the fish and leave more for THEM to kill and eat!!  Now don't get me wrong, I agree that man needs food just as much as Dolphins but last I checked there wasn't a shortage of fish in Japan and I've not heard of people dying of starvation due to Dolphins eating all the fish!  I've heard of fish shortage due to over-fishing by man, but never by other fish!

This is just another excuse for Japan to get their own way.  They kill Whales 'for scientific research', yet when the Hague ordered them to hand over the research they didn't have any!  

The only people standing up to them is a group called Sea Shepherd.  After years of trying to stop them in the seas, they're now fighting them in the courts.  What I don't get is why they have to??  Why isn't the Hague or the rest of the world stopping them??  

Last night 12 dolphins were brutally murdered in Japan, yet there's not a single mention of it in the news.  It's left as a 'cultural issue'.  IT'S NOT! It's a global, environmental issue.  How many have to die before the world steps up? Do we have to wait until we're down to our last 50 in the wild before something is done??

Without dolphins, we would be overrun with fish and squid to the point that the balance would be lost and their food supply would dwindle.  Also, when there's high levels of contaminants in the sea dolphins can absorb them and neutralise them.  

In 2014, dolphins were hit with the Morbillivirus that caused strandings and death.  Surely that has cut their numbers without killing more innocent dolphins.

Sadly, there's more bad news.  As some of you know I was a Greenpeace supporter since I was a teenager.  I would get petitions signed, pass leaflets around and generally try and make people aware of their work.  But that's now in the past as I will never support them again.

Jon Burgwald speaking for Greenpeace has announced that Greenpeace supports "sustainable" sealing.  SUSTAINABLE?????? They shouldn't be supporting any type of sealing!  These are not animals farmed to keep people alive, they're farmed for their fur for rich idiots to wear!  We have synthetic fur now, we don't need to kill and animal to keep warm.  For a charity as big as Greenpeace to make a u-turn like this is ridiculous and disgusting.  It goes against everything they stood for.  

I agree 100% with Captain Paul Watson comments in his article.  All he went through when he was with Greenpeace has been undone but this act.

I could go on forever pointing out where the world has turned away and ignored issues rather than confronting them.  Instead, I'll do what I've always done.  Spread the word and hope that one day the world will step up and tell Japan and other countries to stop.

Sea Shepherd is involved with at least 16 campaigns at the moment, click here to see which ones and to see how you can help them.

I don't want my great-grandchildren learning about dolphins and whales in books because there's none left in the seas.

Look out Britain's Got Talent.....

cos here comes Molly!!! lol!

When Molly gets cross and doesn't want to do what we've told her to or we're doing something she doesn't want us to (for example, daring to move in bed when she's sleeping!!) she makes this growl that sounds exactly like 'NO'!  

I'm not saying she can talk, but I was wondering if this was a one-off or if other terriers do this.  I remembered as a kid our Border Collie used to 'reply' so I figured there was other dogs that could.  To my surprise not only is Molly not alone in this but it's quite common in terriers!  Being so damned smart they have been known to 'copy' words.  Let's be honest here, what word does a terrier hear more than any other?? Yep, it's 'NO'! 

Next time she says No she still won't get her way but I'll be listening out for any other words from Madam's mouth!! lol!

A Sad Week.

Unless you've been living under a rock, you'll know that this week we have sadly lost David Bowie and Alan Rickman. Both to cancer, both carried on and kept it quiet until they'd passed.  Last year I watched Jackie Collins do an interview on Thursday, the following Monday she died of cancer.  Lemmy of Motorhead was diagnosed with cancer on Boxing day and died 3 days later.  I could go on but I'll be here all year.  Each one was great in their field. They were well respected, talented people as well as being way too young to die.

They say we're winning the fight against cancer but it doesn't feel like it!  I've lost family members and friends to cancer, each time I think we're a step closer to a total cure but, this time, I feel like we're further away than ever and that's a devastating thought.

I lost my Great Nan and Great Aunt to breast cancer before I was 10 years old.  I then watched Teri's friend die when she was 8 years old.  That was nearly 20 years later.  I convinced myself it was a rare type and that's why in 20 years so little had been learned.  Well, it's 10 years on and guess what? We STILL don't have the answers!

Don't get me wrong, we know loads about breast cancer and your chances of surviving it are pretty high.  The same can't be said of Pancreatic, Ovarian, Neuroblastoma and other childhood cancers.  Why is that when so much is given to Cancer Research and similar charities?  It's because most of the money goes to Breast Cancer research.

Out of all the money given to research cancer only 7% goes towards Childhood cancers and 20% goes to Pancreatic.  Your chances of surviving Pancreatic cancer is 5%!!  So pretty much nil.  Yet so little goes towards research.  I've lost 2 family members to it since 2011 so surely that means it's not a rare cancer?? Or is it and we're just unlucky?  Before anyone asks the two people weren't related so it wasn't genetic. As for Childhood Neuroblastoma, Teri has lost 3 friends to it so again that can't be rare yet only 7% is given towards it!

Sadly there is nothing we can do to change the way the money is distributed, so the only option is to give more money so the 20% and 7% is larger that last year.  

One way you can do this is by sponsoring Teri, Beth and myself.  We're doing the Race For Life in May.  Beth and Teri are planning on running it, I'm walking it!  It's a way I can give back and try and help research so no one has to go through the heartache we've been through.  

So please sponsor us, share the page, get friends to sponsor us and even race yourself!  Every penny you give is a finger to cancer.  It says we won't let you win, we won't let you take our loved ones and we will NEVER back down.

Thanks x

Click here to go to our team sponsorship page!

Old Town Gardens

Molly and I had some time to ourselves this morning so we went for a drive to Old Town Gardens and went for a walk around them.  With all the rain our local parks have become swamps, plus there's been a lot of cases of Alabama Rot around Swindon and dog walkers have been advised to stay away from certain woods and parks so there's not a lot of places left we can walk!  It was nice to be somewhere different, everyone was so friendly down there.  Lots of dog walkers who wanted to chat!  Molly got lots of attention so she was happy! 

I saw this on a bench.  I thought it was really sweet.  It obviously means a lot to 'Stan's family and friends.  I think it is more special than just 'In memory of...'  It shows a lot of thought on their part and that they must have had many happy times in the park, eating ice cream!!  

Also, in the park, there is a large aviary full of budgies and cockatiels.  Molly wasn't impressed, she was more interested in the pond beside it!! But I liked it! The birds must be used to being fed as they came up to the front to see me.  I could have stayed there for hours but Molly was bored so we walked on!!

We carried on round and met more walkers and their dogs, then headed home.  I think it wore Molly out because since we got back all she's done has slept!!! 

Happy New Year!!

We had a great night out last night at my friends house.  Molly came with us as she's so scared of fireworks.  She got to play with her mate Rosie and she took a shine to my friends husband!  When the fireworks started she had to sit with him!!

I've decided not to make any resolutions this year. I won't stick to them.  So instead, I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing.  I'll keep walking with Molly and building myself up.  Plus I'll be living my life my way!

I am however going to set some goals!

1. To complete the Race For Life in May
2. Go to the Summer and Winter Solstice at Stonehenge
3. Go to Avebury
4. Go to Stonehenge with Teri 
5. Make at least 4 visits to English Heritage places
6. Write a diary every day

And the 7th one I'm stealing from my 'niece'!!

Be Nice To Others

I think that's the most important one.  It's a great thing to do and it cost nothing.

So here's to a happy and healthy 2016!!

A Christmas Message

From Molly and Me!!!!

Dream come true.

Last night my dream came true.  Often people say that over the smallest thing, but to me this was a huge dream I'd had since a kid so to me it was the biggest thing ever.

When I was in Primary school we had a Pagan Druid come in for a visit.  He talked about his beliefs and traditions and how Stonehenge is a spiritual centre, a sort of church to the Pagans.  Having travelled to London from Taunton several times I'd seen Stonehenge from the road but never been there.  I felt a pull towards it but never once visited.  

As I grew up and things happened to me mainline religion just didn't sit with me and the more spiritual side of Paganism became more and more attractive to me.  I knew all about the Summer and Winter Solstice, I knew the summer one had become a bit, commercial.  It had become an excuse for excess and other things!  The Pagan meaning behind it lost.  No one ever talked about the Winter one, I guess it was too cold for dancing around naked and drinking!!!  For me, the pull was towards the Winter Solstice.  I didn't know why! It just did. I knew it was around the 21st December, but that was it! I didn't know how to arrange to go or what would happen there.  I just knew I had to go.

Mandy and Me outside Stonehenge

A few years ago an old school friend told me someone had posted a picture of us at school in South Wales.  I was curious so had a look.  I'd moved from South Wales in 1989 and only had contact with 3 friends from back then so I was interested in who had my picture!  It turned out to be a girl who was in my year at school called Mandy.  We'd been mates and chatted in class a few times but weren't close mates so when I moved we didn't stay in contact.  We got chatting about old times etc and then about our lives now and she told me she was a Wiccan. Now before you read that and think she's a mad woman who flies a broom and casts spells to turn people into frogs, she doesn't fly a broom.  Well not to work anyway, parking it is a nightmare!!  I'd tried to study Wiccan, tarot and mediumship but still didn't feel confident talking to others about it.  I'd told a few friends, but I was worried about what others think.  

Then last year Mandy posted pictures of herself at the Winter Solstice.  I was so jealous but couldn't see how I could ever go.  I couldn't let Steve sit in the car for hours while I was at the Stones and I knew he wouldn't want to come so it wasn't fair to ask!  So I lived my dream through Mandy.  She would go to the Solstice and I could look at her photos and hear the stories.

Just before Mandy went to the Solstice I got Molly and started walking with her.  I was determined to build my strength up.  As I did I found out I could get my driving licence back.  Suddenly things started to fall into place.  If I could get strong enough to walk to and stand by the stones and I could get my licence back I could go to the Solstice!  I didn't tell anyone, not even Steve and Teri!  Then my licence came back and I could do it! I could go to the Solstice!

I messaged Mandy and said I wanted to go with her and she helped me apply for a ticket.  It was a very long wait until I got the email from Gorsedd of Cor Gawr saying I had a ticket!  Even that was a story!!  

To be sure I got a ticket Mandy applied for an extra ticket.  So we ended up with 3 tickets for 2 people!  Mandy emailed saying she didn't need the extra ticket and offered it back.  Yesterday Mandy wasn't sure what ticket was hers and which was spare so printed off both.  As we're waiting to go in I was talking to a lovely lady about how it was my first time, she said she'd been several times but not for the last few years and how she only got a ticket at the last minute.  It turned out she had the spare ticket we'd given back!!  Out of 80 people there I ended up talking to the one person who had our spare, what were the chances!?!

As we waited to go to the Stones it started raining, really raining!  We were wrapped up but not waterproof!  Mandy ran back to the car and got my umbrella just in case!  Luckily we didn't need it until the last 5 minutes of the service.  The other 135 minutes were cold but dry!

Taken in the dark during the service!

I wish I could type all about the rite but most of it was very special to me and let's just say the spirits made it clear they were there for me!  I had a family with 2 very young children beside me.  It was lovely to see children at the rite.  I had my walking frame with me so I could sit down if I needed to.  I was ok, but the young girl wanted to sit down so I asked her if she wanted to sit on my chair.  Her dad said 'Oh no don't worry! You'll need it!' I said I was fine and lifted her onto the chair.  I know some people believe kids shouldn't go to church etc. but I believe kids should go to services and rites, how else will they ever learn about these things and then find the right path for themselves?  They'll end up like me, 40 and not sure what to do!!  On the way home I was talking to the girls mum and she apologised for the kids talking etc. I told her not to worry!! They didn't disturb anything and everyone made sure the kids were included.  To me, it made it more special.

Add to that catching up with a friend I've not seen in 26 years and it was an amazing day!  It was so much more than I expected.  For the first time, I felt I fitted and belonged.  All of the Cor Gawr members welcomed me as a new member, it was lovely.  

During the service, there's a chance for you to become a full Pagan.  A bit like First Communion or Confirmation.  Mandy stepped up and became a member.  I've decided I will next year.  I will step up and say my vow.  Part of me wishes I'd done it last night but It didn't feel right to do it so soon.  It was very special seeing Mandy do it.  I'm so glad I was there!

After the service, we went back to Mandy's to warm up!  I only planned to stay for an hour but come 10 pm we were still talking!!!!  Oops!!  I crawled in at 11 pm, still cold and very tired but so so happy.  Not only had I met up with a very old friend and a kindred spirit but as I said...

... my dream had come true!

My dream night 20th December 2015

Axe Murderer And Other Mental Health Myths!

Many times I considered changing the name of this blog to Axe Murderer And Other Mental Health Myths! The crap I read in the press about Mental Health makes me seeth at times and sadly yesterday more stories came up causing me to blow.

I could post here about how they're all wrong and have my usual rant but what's the point??!  I'm hoping that being honest about being Bipolar has opened friend's eyes so they've started to see things aren't as black and white as they seem.  For example, many friends have said they never imagined I was bipolar because I seem so calm and together!  Hey, you only see the calm and together side of me! lol!  I'm serious! I don't leave the house when I'm hyper or low.  I can lock myself away for months and no one realise.  That's not because I've got bad friends, the opposite is true! I've been very lucky to gather an amazing group of friends who I know are there for me if I ask (and often if I don't!) it just means I've learned to put on the brave face and stiff upper lip and if you see I'm struggling I'm in serious trouble.  

That's what life with poor mental health is like.  You learn to live with it and carry on.  For me, the hardest part of being Bipolar is the paranoia.  I convince myself that people think I'm faking it or I'm lying about my problems so showing I'm struggling makes things worse.  Hence how I've become good at hiding it!

So, when I read in the news that someone has committed a crime because of poor mental health I want to scream!

I know two people with Schizophrenia, one who has been very public and open about it and the other only told me because they knew I knew someone else with it and as I promised I won't reveal who they are to anyone.  In both cases and in 99.99% of other genuine cases I've read about they are no risk to anyone but themselves.  They've both talked to me about how the voices tell them to hurt themselves but never others.  The closest they've ever come to 'hurting' others is when the voices convince them that someone is trying to hurt them or is talking about them in a nasty way and they've cut friendships with that person because they can't cope with the paranoid feelings that come with the friendship.

Yesterday it was announced that Peter Sutcliff was no longer 'ill'.  He had claimed that God had spoken to him and told him to kill prostitutes.  One problem with that, not all his victims were prostitutes!  Now it seems he's been magically cured of Schizophrenia!! (Please, someone give me the number of his doctor! Wonder if he can cure Bipolar too! lol!)  BOLLOCKS!  He was just smart enough to fool people into believing he was ill so he could escape prison and have an easier sentence.

Then last night another case was in the local news and the 'alleged' murderer claims to have heard voices that told her to kill.  There's the simple fact that this isn't what happens to people with Schizophrenia, plus I know someone who was good friends with the 'alleged' and it was the first she'd heard of it!  

It's liars like that who make the rest of us with Mental Health issues look bad.  So to the point of this blog...

... Please take the time to look over the Mind site and see what are the real symptoms of mental health illnesses and next time you see a news story or hear someone claiming to be ill, go back to the site and see how the symptoms check out.  I'm not saying everyone who says they're ill is a liar!  I'm just saying if you take the time to find out what triggers them and what to look out for then maybe one day you'll be able to help someone before they ask for it.

I truly believe we all need to be more aware of poor mental health.  Too often it's swept under the carpet and hidden away because someone is scared of how friends and family would react.  I hid it from everyone, Steve and Teri included, for years because I was scared of being rejected or called a liar.  I still am now!  Every time I type something about being Bipolar I sit and look at it for ages before I post it because I'm scared of how it will be taken.  That will only change if other people's preconceptions change.  So please take the step towards change and check out the site.

Thank you.

PS and as for the 'alleged', justice will be done and Karma will win out.  It has to!

Happy Birthday Molly!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOLLY!!

Molly is 6 today!  I can't believe it's been a year since we celebrated her first birthday with us.  She's changed my life and brought so much joy into it.  I look back at the person I was last year and I'm a different person.  For the last 3.5 weeks, I've had a severe sinus infection.  Last year it would have knocked me out mentally and physically, but this time I've had Molly to keep me company when I'm really bad and she's dragged me out when I've struggled to leave the house.  I don't know what I'd do without her!

It's also thanks to her I'm doing something I've always wanted to do.  I'm going to the Winter Solstice at Stonehenge!  I've wanted to go since I was a kid but something always stood in my way.  Molly has given me the confidence to stand up and do what I want.  So all the barriers have gone.

So here's to a great birthday and many many more together xx

#AdoptNotShop

Molly, the best dog in the world!

Very Sad Day

Words can't begin to describe the feelings around the world today.  What has happened in Paris is horrific.  My heart goes out to all those involved.

Sadly there has also been posts saying that we should ban all religions!  If only it was that simple!  This was not done in the name of any religion, it was done by cowards who claim to have done it in the name of religion.  Nowhere in the Bible or the Koran does it say it's ok to kill innocents.  In fact, the Koran doesn't condone any violence, the Bible has 'eye for an eye' but Islam preaches forgiveness, not revenge.

I'm not religious!  I'm a Pagan.  I believe there are many Gods or High Spirits and not one over all God.  Something the Christians of yesteryear had an issue with and tried to convert all Pagans to Christianity.  Something they didn't have the right to do.  They didn't have the 'right religion' any more than the terrorist today do!  

Being 'on the outside' has given me a chance to look over other religions more objectively.  I've always been interested in what makes a religion or what different ones believe.  I'm not an expert by any means, but I do know the basics and when someone post an article saying 'BAN ALL RELIGIONS' I know enough to know it's crap!

Yeah you could ban every religion in the world, (well, I say 'could' but it would be one hell of a job to do!!) but people would STILL find something to fight over or argue about!  Sadly it seems to be part of human life to disagree and misinterpret things.

Surely it would make more sense to try and understand each other's beliefs and work together to stop this sort of thing happening again?  Who cares what your neighbour believes, as long as he's not causing you any harm let him get on with it!

I'd like to think that the tragic events of last night will bring us all together against these murderers, but I think it will only cause more misconception and misunderstanding which in turn will cause more violence and deaths.

All I can hope is that for today at least we can all come together and remember those that have been killed, injured or have lost loved ones and leave the fighting for another day.

#PrayingForParis

Update, of sorts!!

I've not posted for a while.  Several reasons.  Been really busy, been on holiday and had too many things going around my head so I didn't know what to post!  I know hardly anyone reads this (if anyone does!! lol!) But I enjoy posting and looking back over my post.  It's helped me to sort thought, explain who I am and to help me to feel accepted in the world.  So I'm going to keep posting! lol!

Molly is well.  She's curled up on my lap snoozing after messing about trying to eat my foot!!!  She does that every so often, she'll pretend she's big and scary and bark at me then I ignore her and she growls and pretends to bite my foot.  Anyone watching through the window would think that she's a vicious dog attacking me!  She's not, she's a nutty pup who loves play fighting.  She's boisterous but if she really hurt anyone she'd be so upset!  I find it fun too.  We mess about and play fight then she falls asleep and I can to some work.  It's our routine I guess!  Strange but that's us!

View from Caravan!

We had an amazing holiday at Devon Cliffs.  The view was amazing as usual. That's the good thing about holidays on a cliff, wherever you are you look out to sea!  I spent hours watching fishing boats.  It was so relaxing and just what we all needed.

Molly on the beach

Molly loved the beach!!  She wasn't so keen on the waves! They didn't taste nice and they kept sneaking up on her so she tried to bark at them!  Hey, I never said she was sensible!  

It's one of the big advantages of going in October.  Dogs are allowed on the beach.  It was a very big, steep slope down to the beach, but I made it down there.  We had a lovely walk along the beach.  It was the end of October, but we were baking!  We were very lucky with the weather too.  It rained on the Friday night and Saturday but Sunday and Monday was really hot.  Mind you the rain didn't put us off.  We went for a walk between showers!

Finally, a decent shot of Steve!

Teri took some amazing pictures.  She really enjoyed wandering off with her camera and catching random shots.  She even managed to get a nice one of Steve!!! That's very hard to do!!

She got right up on the cliff and took shots of the Jurasic Coast line.  It's amazing to see and to be honest the only way you'd see it is by climbing to the top like she did or by boat.  There's no way down to sea on this side of the cliff.  What you can't see on this picture is the clay is so red the colour 'bleeds' into the sea and the whole coastline water is as red as the cliff.  It's beautiful to see.

My favourite shot was taken by chance!  Steve and I had popped out in the car on the last night there so Teri took Molly for a walk and took her camera for some final shots.  She managed to get the most amazing shot of the sea, sky and moon.  The blue of the sky could only of lasted a few minutes.  If she'd gone out any earlier or later she'd of missed it.  

The last night.

The blue looks like it could of been painted by angels.  The moon gently dabbed in by faries.  The land shaded by pixies.   If you can't tell I love it!  I'm going to get it printed on a canvas so I can put it on the wall.  Some times I look at a picture and feel it's special and this one is very special.

It was lovely to be home in our own beds but I loved being by the sea with amazing views to walk in.  If I won the lottery I'd buy a caravan down there and never leave!  It was a badly needed holiday for us all.  Hopefully next year it's the Isle of Man then the year after we'll go back to Devon Cliffs.  It's become a home away from home!

And it's back to the real world with a bang.  Lots of work to do, studying to do (btw got my exam result and I passed!!) and lots of driving Teri to and from college and work!  All her hard work has paid off and she's got a Christmas Temp job at Argos!  Here's hoping it helps her to find something permenant!

Well that's us.  Time to get sorted and prepare for THAT event at the end of December! x

Mad Week!

My chance for a lie in and I wake up at 6.30am!!  Well, it's an extra half hour I guess!!

It's been a manic week!  Donations to the Swindon Foodbank have been through the roof!  My last count was 6 tons, but that was before Friday's lot arrived!  It's lovely to see so many donations at a time when people are struggling.  It shows community spirit is still alive.

I had the pleasure of going to Red Oaks Primary in Swindon yesterday.  It's an amazing school.  At their assembly, they had a teacher doing sign language and every time someone went to the front to speak they had to wear a microphone for those wearing hearing aids.  They also had a severely disabled child whose class was organising a fundraiser for!  

Sadly as a dyslexic I've seen many schools that exclude children for the most simple disability.  Red Oaks couldn't be further from that.  Every child was made to feel welcome and included.  It was lovely to see and the children and teachers all seemed very happy and welcoming.

The head asked us if the children could help us pack up at the end.  Of course, we said yes!  The kids were amazing! They're part of the schools 'Charity Club'.  They'd set up the tables and food for the assembly and at the end they took all the food and packed it into the crates, then they carried it out to the van.  It was their break time, but that didn't bother them, they wanted to help us.  

They also asked me questions about the food they'd given, was it ok they gave pasta sauce, would the items be of use, what could they do for us in the future.  It was truly wonderful to hear them so interested.  It made it clear this was something they felt passionately about and they weren't going it because the teachers told them to.

One thing I learned from Amy's talk at Red Oaks was that last year Swindon Foodbank fed 6,000 people.  That doesn't sound like much until you realise there's only 185,609 in Swindon.  That means that 1 in 30 residents had been in need in the last year.  In Red Oaks there are 550 students, so in that school alone 18 children could have used the Foodbank.  Look at it like that and the numbers are scary.

Speaking of numbers you think that 6 tons is a lot of food.  That is only enough for 3000 families.  So half of what's needed.  Take away from that any food that's out of date, opened, damaged or not on the list of food given away and it drops even more.  Now you see why donations are so important and why the work done by Andrew, Amy and the volunteers at Swindon Foodbank is so important.

On a lighter note, I'm going to see an old mate today.  Time for a chat and a catch-up!  Might go to the pub we used to go to in college a very long time ago! (No I'm not saying how may years! It's too many to think of!)

I'll leave you with the line Amy used at the end of the assembly.  I think it's perfect and something we should all do;

'When you sit down for dinner tonight, think of those less fortunate who could be going without'

One Year On .....

This time last year I was in a dark place.  I was depressed, lonely, felt like I wasn't going any where and I'd never be happy.

The 18th October 2014 came round and my life changed totally.

Because of what happened on 18th October I am now walking 2km per day.  

Because of what happened on 18th October I am now walking with walking sticks and not a frame.

Because of what happened on 18th October I am now driving.

Because of what happened on 18th October I am now happy, safe and no longer feel alone.

So what happened?  In one word.....

MOLLY!

Who'd of guessed the one thing I needed in my life was a mad mixed terrier!?!  Since she came to live with us I have some one there 24/7 who will love me, cuddle me and make me feel needed.  She nags me to take her for a walk every day so I go out and my strength is getting better every day.  If you'd of told me this time last year that I'd enjoy walking and I'd be getting good at it I'd of laughed at you! But I am! I love getting out and going for a walk, come rain or shine, it's just nice to be outside away from everything for a while so I can clear my head.

I've still got some way to go but I'm hoping that the strength I've built up now I can keep going through out the winter and the bad weather.

I know Molly won't realise what day it is on 18th but I will.  It will be the day my life turned around and I could start to see a better life ahead.

And I owe all that to Molly.

and it's a good night from Molly xxxxxx 

 

Negative Nellies!

Living with poor mental health I always try to look for the positive in life.  Recently I've been removing those that are constantly negative from my life.  It may sound harsh but have a look around you.  Who are the people you'd rather hang around with??!

I'm not talking about those who have a bad day or are going through a rough time.  We all have times like that and being happy and positive is hard.  I'm talking about those who constantly look for the negative in life just so they can moan.  

Why have I done this?  Because to be happy you have to look for it! If happiness and success were easy everyone would be millionaires in their dream jobs!  Life isn't easy, but you don't need to moan about everything.  For example, if it rains when I'm out with Molly I try to look at it that its cooler than usual making it easier to walk rather than moaning I'm getting wet!

One person I've removed from my life would sit and moan about EVERYTHING and if you tried to point out a positive side he'd complain saying you were sticking your nose in!  That then led to me being miserable and quite often angry which did my mental health no good.  So I parted friendships with him.

This morning BBC News they were talking about Happiness courses the Dalai Lama has helped set up.  They teach you Mindfulness and how to be more positive and happy.  They then cut to Dismal Land in Weston Super Mare to a lady who said;

'You can't learn people to be happy, they either are or they ain't'

Oh, where to start!  Maybe with the fact that she looked like she'd swallowed a wasp, or that she looked like she'd never smiled in her life?!

Babies smile and laugh.  Do they do it because they learned or because they're born that way? Does her statement mean that some babies are born unhappy and therefore never laugh or smile?  I've never met a baby that didn't laugh and smile, but that doesn't mean there aren't any out there, but I like to believe that everyone is born with the ability to enjoy life and be happy.  Therefore, we must learn to be miserable and negative too.

Now I'm not talking about the friends you have that some days you have a good moan with.  I've got a few like that and after our moan session we both feel better!  Every one needs to moan some times.  I'm talking about the ones that moan at you all the time and when you leave you feel low and drained.  I was once told these people are Emotion Vampires.  It's a good way of looking at it.  They do drain you and leave you feeling miserable.  Almost as if all the joy has been sucked out of you.

As I said I know people go through tough times.  Sadly I've lost a lot of family and friends the last 4 years, some through long illness, others suddenly.  I choose to look at the positive in it all because if I didn't I'd be sat around crying all the time and one thing I've learned through all those deaths is life is far too short so live for every minute of it.

Being Bipolar and having PTSD and Depression I'm very aware of my mood and how others can change it, which has meant I've learned to notice negative people much quicker than before!  It's become second nature to me.  Sit down and think about the people you know (not just friends.  Acquaintances, co-workers, even people you meet in the street!) Have a think about them, do they seem postitive or negative?  How is your mood after you've met them? How do you feel after they've left?  If the answers are negative or low then maybe it's time to find a way to leave them behind?  It may sound harsh but there are times when you have to think about your own mental health and not others feelings.

I know if you work with some one like this you can't escape them.  You can avoid spending any extra time with them and not talk about personal stuff.  I have someone like that I volunteer with.  She moans about everything and by the time I've left every one feels angry and drained.  I've now started changing the subject to a more positive one that everyone can join in with rather than her sat there moaning dragging every one down!

So that's my challenge to every one I know!  Look for the Negative Nellies in your life and give them the boot!!

And on that note I'm off to volunteer with my NN!  Time for tact and subject changes to begin!! 

What difference

July 2015

While out I realised how far I've come with my walking, I don't mean how far I've walked! I mean how much stronger I am now.

The picture on the right is a screen shot from my phone.  It says I walked 1.58 miles (2.5km) in 54 minutes.  What it doesn't say is I sat down at least 4 times during that because I needed a rest! In fact I used to have to stop as soon as I got to the field as I was in pain.

Today (Sept 2015)

Now look at the picture on the right.  I've walked 2.8km without stopping once.  I took it slow today, usually I can walk that route in 40 minutes but I felt like being lazy today and just wandering along!

The hedge I used to sit by!

It was only as I was up there and I'd walked 2 3rds of the way round I realised I don't have to stop any more.  I had set places I'd stop along the route.  Molly started to learn where they were and she'd potter about while I had a rest.  Now I can carry on and walk the whole route and then some!  Yeah I still need my walking frame but I can walk it!  I'll settle for that! lol!

'MUMMMMM Hurry up!'

For years i just accepted I couldn't walk far and worked round it.  Now I know all I needed to do was push myself a little harder and I can do it.  I've learnt where all the quiet spaces are, where I can go to get away from the town without having to drive out of it and more importantly I feel a lot better for it.  Not just physically, mentally too.  It's reached the point where this hermit doesn't want to be stuck at home!  Come rain or shine Molly drags me out and I love it!  I love walking in the rain and coming home soaked, I love walking in the wind hearing it whistle through the trees as I fight to stand up, I love walking in the sunshine getting a tan and it bleaching my hair!  

It's natural! HONEST!!

Some one asked me yesterday why I'd stopped bleaching my hair.  They were stunned to hear I hadn't bleached it since I was 23!  In fact 4 months ago I used a colour removal kit and stripped the brown off my hair, leaving it natural.  Walking in the sun every afternoon has bleached it without any help.

Most of all I love the freedom it's given me.  Yesterday I walked to the bus stop and got the bus to New College, I then got the bus back to Rodbourne Cheney and walked the 2km home.  Why? Because I could!! lol!  Then once I got home I took Molly out for a 2km walk in the rain!!

I've found an App called My Fitness Pal.  It's helping me to loose weight (lost 2kg so far!) It's full of people like me who are desperate to loose weight but find it difficult.  Together we support each other and point out where we could make changes which would help us loose more weight.  By tracking what I eat I've seen where I've gone wrong, carbs! I'm addicted to them and they're really bad for me!  For years I was told to avoid fat and eat carbs as they're better for me. No they're not! If you're like me and diabetic carbs are the worse thing in the world you can eat.  So I've had to change what I eat and cut as many carbs out of my diet.  It's really helped my blood tests.  The levels have dropped so low I came close to a hypo for the first time in years on Monday!  

I've still got a long way to go but mentally and physically I feel so much better and I can see a light at the end of the tunnel instead of a man with a torch and a sign saying 'The light is off due to maintenance!' 

So here's to more walking and more improvement!

What can I do......?

This week has been a tough one.  There have been two anniversaries that remind us all how precious life is.  9/11 and the Manchester Dogs Home fire plus Foodbank was difficult.

9/11 is a day I will never forget.  I had holiday I had to use up at work so I'd booked the day off but left Teri in nursery so I could get some housework done in peace.  I'd just sat down for lunch (cheese sandwich! See I remember every detail!) I put the tv on to watch Neighbours only to see the news was still on.  It took me a while to realise what I was seeing.  I could see one of the Twin Towers on fire.  They were talking about how a plane had hit the tower.  At that point there was nothing to say it was anything other than a very sad accident.  I sat staring at the scene unable to take it all in.  They were talking about how long the hoses would be on the fire engines and what the chances are of people surviving if they were above the fire.  All I could think was ' you idiots, there's no way they can put that fire out!  The fuel will mean it burns too hot for water and foam hoses won't reach that far'.  

The next thing I know live on screen a plane apears in the back ground.  It was as if the whole thing was in slow motion.  As I type this I can see it in my mind.  14 years on and it's as fresh as the day.  The plane seemed to turn and I remember the news presenter said 'Why haven't they shut air space down?'  An expert (how you can be an expert of somthing that had never happened before I don't know!) said they'd probably grounded flights nearby but a few planes maybe still in the air and being diverted.  He was wrong.  The plane wasn't being diverted.  It had been hijacked and it hit the second tower with such force it seemed to explode out the other side of the tower.

At this point it was clear it was no accident.  One plane, yes. Two? No chance. This was terrorist.

I didn't know what to do.  I wanted to talk to someone so I called my friend at work.  She said she'd heard about the first plane from a collegue who had just come into the office.  He'd heard about it on the radio.  When I explained a second plane had hit she told the rest of the office and they decided to go to the electrical shop next door as they had TV's on all the time.

Just as she hung up the first tower came crashing down.  It was like a bad horror movie.  There were reports of other planes going missing, all countries shut their air space down, guesses of how many had been in the tower.  All I could think was, what time did the first plane hit?  What time did the second one hit? How long in between? Because that's how long we've got until the second tower goes.  Sadly I was right.  I sat there counting the minutes down and on cue the tower fell. 

Why am I typing all this? Because it was the point the world changed.  It showed that no one was safe from the terrorist.  They could hit any where any time.  I'd grown up with the IRA bombing London but this was bigger than them.  So many innocent people were killed in one moment.  The Governments decided we had to go to war to 'stop' them.  It was a revenge mission that saw the Stock Market nose dive, trust in governments fall and general chaos to start.  By going into Iraq for the second time (to be honest if Bush snr had done the job properly the first time we wouldn't of had half of this!) causing instability in the Middle East which in turn has caused the Syrian crisis we've got now.  It's something we should never forget.  I won't ever forget those events.

The second anniversary this week was the Manchester Dogs Home Fire.  (click here for pictures) 150 dogs were killed and several others badly injured because of the actions of 2 young boys.  Sadly they were never formally charged with the murders.  Personally I think they should of been strung up.  What the hell they thought they were doing, their age is no excuse either!  They knew what they were doing and I wouldn't be suprised if they did it again.

As my friends all know I'm a big animal lover and I firmly believe those boys should of been charged with murder.  Just because they're dogs doesn't mean they felt less pain, nor did they suffer any less than we would.  The fact that these boys are out there with new identities makes me sick with anger.

Add to that the number of people who came into the Foodbank because they'd had to choose, school uniform or food? You can see why it's been a tough week!  

I've been lucky this year, Teri has left school so I don't have to buy her uniform.  I get why schools have uniform and I agree with it.  What I don't agree with is schools insisting that you buy their stuff with logos etc on and then they charge you a fortune!  Supermarkets do cheap jumpers and shirts but as most schools insist you have their items you can't buy the £2 jumper, you have to buy the £25 one that last half the time the £2 would!

Surely when it gets to the point that some one is going without food just so they can buy their kids uniform we need to say that's enough, STOP.  I wish I could say that it was only in my distribution I'd heard this sad story.  I spoke to two other distributions and they'd had several people in saying the same thing.  It's wrong!

I'm sorry this has become a bit of a rant, but it needs to be said.  Yes there are big things wrong in the world we can't change but there are small things we can.  What would the schools do if every one turned up in a cheap jumper? Suspend they whole school? Or would they back down and let your kids wear it?  Why don't you talk to other parents and see?  We all sit there and say 'I can't change.....' How do you know you can't if you don't try??!

Have a look round and see whats wrong in your life/area and work out how you can change it rather than sit and moan about it.