Update, of sorts!!

I've not posted for a while.  Several reasons.  Been really busy, been on holiday and had too many things going around my head so I didn't know what to post!  I know hardly anyone reads this (if anyone does!! lol!) But I enjoy posting and looking back over my post.  It's helped me to sort thought, explain who I am and to help me to feel accepted in the world.  So I'm going to keep posting! lol!

Molly is well.  She's curled up on my lap snoozing after messing about trying to eat my foot!!!  She does that every so often, she'll pretend she's big and scary and bark at me then I ignore her and she growls and pretends to bite my foot.  Anyone watching through the window would think that she's a vicious dog attacking me!  She's not, she's a nutty pup who loves play fighting.  She's boisterous but if she really hurt anyone she'd be so upset!  I find it fun too.  We mess about and play fight then she falls asleep and I can to some work.  It's our routine I guess!  Strange but that's us!

View from Caravan!

We had an amazing holiday at Devon Cliffs.  The view was amazing as usual. That's the good thing about holidays on a cliff, wherever you are you look out to sea!  I spent hours watching fishing boats.  It was so relaxing and just what we all needed.

Molly on the beach

Molly loved the beach!!  She wasn't so keen on the waves! They didn't taste nice and they kept sneaking up on her so she tried to bark at them!  Hey, I never said she was sensible!  

It's one of the big advantages of going in October.  Dogs are allowed on the beach.  It was a very big, steep slope down to the beach, but I made it down there.  We had a lovely walk along the beach.  It was the end of October, but we were baking!  We were very lucky with the weather too.  It rained on the Friday night and Saturday but Sunday and Monday was really hot.  Mind you the rain didn't put us off.  We went for a walk between showers!

Finally, a decent shot of Steve!

Teri took some amazing pictures.  She really enjoyed wandering off with her camera and catching random shots.  She even managed to get a nice one of Steve!!! That's very hard to do!!

She got right up on the cliff and took shots of the Jurasic Coast line.  It's amazing to see and to be honest the only way you'd see it is by climbing to the top like she did or by boat.  There's no way down to sea on this side of the cliff.  What you can't see on this picture is the clay is so red the colour 'bleeds' into the sea and the whole coastline water is as red as the cliff.  It's beautiful to see.

My favourite shot was taken by chance!  Steve and I had popped out in the car on the last night there so Teri took Molly for a walk and took her camera for some final shots.  She managed to get the most amazing shot of the sea, sky and moon.  The blue of the sky could only of lasted a few minutes.  If she'd gone out any earlier or later she'd of missed it.  

The last night.

The blue looks like it could of been painted by angels.  The moon gently dabbed in by faries.  The land shaded by pixies.   If you can't tell I love it!  I'm going to get it printed on a canvas so I can put it on the wall.  Some times I look at a picture and feel it's special and this one is very special.

It was lovely to be home in our own beds but I loved being by the sea with amazing views to walk in.  If I won the lottery I'd buy a caravan down there and never leave!  It was a badly needed holiday for us all.  Hopefully next year it's the Isle of Man then the year after we'll go back to Devon Cliffs.  It's become a home away from home!

And it's back to the real world with a bang.  Lots of work to do, studying to do (btw got my exam result and I passed!!) and lots of driving Teri to and from college and work!  All her hard work has paid off and she's got a Christmas Temp job at Argos!  Here's hoping it helps her to find something permenant!

Well that's us.  Time to get sorted and prepare for THAT event at the end of December! x

One Year On .....

This time last year I was in a dark place.  I was depressed, lonely, felt like I wasn't going any where and I'd never be happy.

The 18th October 2014 came round and my life changed totally.

Because of what happened on 18th October I am now walking 2km per day.  

Because of what happened on 18th October I am now walking with walking sticks and not a frame.

Because of what happened on 18th October I am now driving.

Because of what happened on 18th October I am now happy, safe and no longer feel alone.

So what happened?  In one word.....

MOLLY!

Who'd of guessed the one thing I needed in my life was a mad mixed terrier!?!  Since she came to live with us I have some one there 24/7 who will love me, cuddle me and make me feel needed.  She nags me to take her for a walk every day so I go out and my strength is getting better every day.  If you'd of told me this time last year that I'd enjoy walking and I'd be getting good at it I'd of laughed at you! But I am! I love getting out and going for a walk, come rain or shine, it's just nice to be outside away from everything for a while so I can clear my head.

I've still got some way to go but I'm hoping that the strength I've built up now I can keep going through out the winter and the bad weather.

I know Molly won't realise what day it is on 18th but I will.  It will be the day my life turned around and I could start to see a better life ahead.

And I owe all that to Molly.

and it's a good night from Molly xxxxxx 

 

What can I do......?

This week has been a tough one.  There have been two anniversaries that remind us all how precious life is.  9/11 and the Manchester Dogs Home fire plus Foodbank was difficult.

9/11 is a day I will never forget.  I had holiday I had to use up at work so I'd booked the day off but left Teri in nursery so I could get some housework done in peace.  I'd just sat down for lunch (cheese sandwich! See I remember every detail!) I put the tv on to watch Neighbours only to see the news was still on.  It took me a while to realise what I was seeing.  I could see one of the Twin Towers on fire.  They were talking about how a plane had hit the tower.  At that point there was nothing to say it was anything other than a very sad accident.  I sat staring at the scene unable to take it all in.  They were talking about how long the hoses would be on the fire engines and what the chances are of people surviving if they were above the fire.  All I could think was ' you idiots, there's no way they can put that fire out!  The fuel will mean it burns too hot for water and foam hoses won't reach that far'.  

The next thing I know live on screen a plane apears in the back ground.  It was as if the whole thing was in slow motion.  As I type this I can see it in my mind.  14 years on and it's as fresh as the day.  The plane seemed to turn and I remember the news presenter said 'Why haven't they shut air space down?'  An expert (how you can be an expert of somthing that had never happened before I don't know!) said they'd probably grounded flights nearby but a few planes maybe still in the air and being diverted.  He was wrong.  The plane wasn't being diverted.  It had been hijacked and it hit the second tower with such force it seemed to explode out the other side of the tower.

At this point it was clear it was no accident.  One plane, yes. Two? No chance. This was terrorist.

I didn't know what to do.  I wanted to talk to someone so I called my friend at work.  She said she'd heard about the first plane from a collegue who had just come into the office.  He'd heard about it on the radio.  When I explained a second plane had hit she told the rest of the office and they decided to go to the electrical shop next door as they had TV's on all the time.

Just as she hung up the first tower came crashing down.  It was like a bad horror movie.  There were reports of other planes going missing, all countries shut their air space down, guesses of how many had been in the tower.  All I could think was, what time did the first plane hit?  What time did the second one hit? How long in between? Because that's how long we've got until the second tower goes.  Sadly I was right.  I sat there counting the minutes down and on cue the tower fell. 

Why am I typing all this? Because it was the point the world changed.  It showed that no one was safe from the terrorist.  They could hit any where any time.  I'd grown up with the IRA bombing London but this was bigger than them.  So many innocent people were killed in one moment.  The Governments decided we had to go to war to 'stop' them.  It was a revenge mission that saw the Stock Market nose dive, trust in governments fall and general chaos to start.  By going into Iraq for the second time (to be honest if Bush snr had done the job properly the first time we wouldn't of had half of this!) causing instability in the Middle East which in turn has caused the Syrian crisis we've got now.  It's something we should never forget.  I won't ever forget those events.

The second anniversary this week was the Manchester Dogs Home Fire.  (click here for pictures) 150 dogs were killed and several others badly injured because of the actions of 2 young boys.  Sadly they were never formally charged with the murders.  Personally I think they should of been strung up.  What the hell they thought they were doing, their age is no excuse either!  They knew what they were doing and I wouldn't be suprised if they did it again.

As my friends all know I'm a big animal lover and I firmly believe those boys should of been charged with murder.  Just because they're dogs doesn't mean they felt less pain, nor did they suffer any less than we would.  The fact that these boys are out there with new identities makes me sick with anger.

Add to that the number of people who came into the Foodbank because they'd had to choose, school uniform or food? You can see why it's been a tough week!  

I've been lucky this year, Teri has left school so I don't have to buy her uniform.  I get why schools have uniform and I agree with it.  What I don't agree with is schools insisting that you buy their stuff with logos etc on and then they charge you a fortune!  Supermarkets do cheap jumpers and shirts but as most schools insist you have their items you can't buy the £2 jumper, you have to buy the £25 one that last half the time the £2 would!

Surely when it gets to the point that some one is going without food just so they can buy their kids uniform we need to say that's enough, STOP.  I wish I could say that it was only in my distribution I'd heard this sad story.  I spoke to two other distributions and they'd had several people in saying the same thing.  It's wrong!

I'm sorry this has become a bit of a rant, but it needs to be said.  Yes there are big things wrong in the world we can't change but there are small things we can.  What would the schools do if every one turned up in a cheap jumper? Suspend they whole school? Or would they back down and let your kids wear it?  Why don't you talk to other parents and see?  We all sit there and say 'I can't change.....' How do you know you can't if you don't try??!

Have a look round and see whats wrong in your life/area and work out how you can change it rather than sit and moan about it.  

Rosie and Molly!

Just before Molly came to live with us my friend lost her Lab to old age.  Merlin was the best dog in the world (well, second to Molly!!) He was soft (fur and head!) and he was so funny.  When he went it was devastating for them, even though they knew it was coming.  It was upsetting for every one who knew him.  He was a well known sight in the area, always out walking with his dad.  

6 months later they decided they were ready to get another dog.  I home check for Holly Hedge Animal Sanctuary in South Bristol so I told her to check out their website.  My friend saw a gorgeous dog called Rosie.  She was originally a street dog in Crete but had been rescued by two Brits living there.  When they're jobs meant they had to move on they couldn't face leaving Rosie there so sent her to the UK for a friend to rehome.  My friend saw all this as a sign!  They had honeymooned in Crete many many (many!) years before, so this had to be a sign she was the dog for them.

Luckily Holly Hedge agreed and within a week she was home with them and their Spaniel, Willow.

Rosie is a big dog.  We've narrowed her breed down to Lurcher, Alsation and Labrador!  She's so sweet and playful.  She loved getting to her new home and playing with all the toys and she loved her new sister Willow but she was nervous around other dogs.  

Molly was fine with Willow, unless a tennis ball was around then she'd get mouthy! But she was a bit nervous around big dogs and they don't come much bigger than Rosie! lol!  So the first time they met Rosie was ok and wanted to play but you could tell they were both a little unsure of each other.  They got on but they weren't best mates.

I was talking to Rosie's mum and she said she wanted to join me walking.  So we arranged to meet up twice a week for a long walk.  I was over the moon to have some company but a little worried about how Molly would behave with Rosie.

I didn't need to worry!  It's now 3 weeks on and Rosie and Molly are best mates!!  Twice a week we meet up and go walking.  Rosie is more than happy for Molly to lead and Molly being a bossy terrier is happy with that!  I was so happy they were getting on.  It means if there's ever an emergency I can have Rosie and Willow or she can have Molly.

This week I saw each dog had got more than friendship out of the walks.  Until this week if Rosie saw another dog she'd hide behind her mum's legs.  If they came near her she'd get in a state.  She was really nervous.  This week she went up to another dog and said hello!!!  She'd come out of her shell and had over come her fears.

I noticed Molly had changed too.  She didn't hide behind me when a big dog came near.  She was much braver and even played with a big lab! Something she'd never done before!

As Molly's 1st 'Gotcha day' comes up I see a different dog from the one we took on who had been found lying by her dead owner.  She's braver, more outgoing, even funnier!  She now has silly little games we play at home!  Plus she knows when I'm not good and cuddles me or when I'm struggling and she pushes me just enough to get me going.  Both dogs are perfect examples of why you should always #AdoptNotShop.

When I got Molly it was because I felt lonely and trapped at home.  I never imagined all she'd do for me.  Now she's got something back from our walks, confidence.  Plus she's given Rosie confidence to be the dog we all know she can be.

Now every time we go for a walk Molly looks for her mate Rosie, and twice a week Molly and Rosie get hyper and nag to go out because they know it's long walk together day! Lol!

Please, if you or any one you know is ever looking for a dog check out your local sanctuary.  There's so many dogs and puppies out there that need homes, you don't need to buy a puppy to get a good dog.  A rescue will love you forever because you saved it.

#AdoptNotShop 

Terriers, Media, The news and relationships (in other words, a mixed blog post!!!)

Some of you may of heard about the 15 day old baby who was killed by the family Terrier.  Yes it's very sad but there are a few things that bother me about the story.

Please realise I'm not blaming any one.  I was bitten by our family dog when I was 8 so of all people I know a trusted dog can do stupid things!!  To this day I still blame myself for that.  It was a total misunderstanding and in hindsight no one (or dog) was to blame.

HOWEVER!  A family dog does not live in the shed!  Especially one as small as a terrier.  I can get a large dog being shut somewhere at night so they don't do damage etc but a 12 inch high dog can be easily put in a room somewhere if needed.  A dog who spends a lot of time shut away in a shed isn't going to learn to socialise with people and by the sounds of things this dog was only a year old so that would of been the crucial time for it to socialise.

Poor Foxy is squeakless and legless now!

Also, think about what a Terrier was bred for. Believe it or not it wasn't to be a small, handbag dog!  Honestly, dogs used to be bred for a reason and not fashion!!!  A Terrier literally means Earth Dog. They where bred to hunt in tunnels and dens, to work alone and keep themselves safe and to hunt small squeaky animals.  That's why they are such independent dogs who have appalling recall.  They can look after themselves so why bother coming when you call? You have nothing to offer!  It's also why Molly removes the squeaker from every toy she has!  It drives her nuts as it triggers her hunt instinct.   Any one who has seen her with her toys knows she grabs them and shakes them just like she would a rat in the wild.  

That's why no breeder or Dog Sanctuary would ever in their right mind home a terrier with a baby!  Just think of the pitch of a baby's cry.  Now compare it to a squeaking rat.  It's the same tone and no amount of training etc will breed out the natural instinct in a terrier.

This is now going to give Terriers a really bad press and people are going to panic.  Which for the 1000's of terriers in sanctuaries is very sad and in some cases fatal.  Like I said I don't blame any one but as a general rule of thumb you never leave any dog alone with a baby.  No matter how much you trust them you can never tell how they'd react.  I love Molly to pieces and trust her (accept when it comes to walks, she stays on the lead or we'd never get her home!!) but I'd never leave her with a baby as I don't know how she'd cope.  

Terriers aren't dangerous dogs but they have become a bit of a fashion dog.  People get them because they're small and think they're easy.  To be honest the smaller the dog the more work they need.  Compare Molly to a Lab.  The lab would happily just have one quick walk a day and sleep the rest!  Molly on the other hand would go spare if she didn't have 3 good long walks a day at least!  I just hope that this doesn't cause terriers to be victimised.  It's not their fault people get them and don't look into their background.

Ok part two of this blog post!  Totally different to the first part but I didn't want to post two post in one day!!

Last night I was on Facebook for the first time in months and some one I've not seen or heard from in over 15 years popped up on another persons post (I'm not going to say who for obvious reasons).  To start off I was hit with a pain in my heart because I missed this person a lot.  Then I started to think about things and I realised I'd tried to contact this person a few times since then but they chose not to talk to me.  Then the more I thought about it the more I realised that the person I knew and cared about didn't exist any more.  They'd moved on and become some one else and if they decided they didn't want to talk to me then that meant I'd moved on too and getting upset about it wasn't worth it.  Yeah I still miss them but as I said I miss the person I knew, I don't know the person they are now so how can I miss them?

Then at stupid o'clock my mate popped up on my messenger and made me realise that those who choose to be around you are those that make you who you are and make you happy.  Next thing I knew the picture above appeared on my FB page so I took it as a sign to stop dwelling on the past and move on!

And so ended my FB visit for another few months!!  Sorry if I missed you on there (found a friend request that could of been there months! Oops!!) I really only use it for games.  Social media and mental health aren't a good match!  If you want to chat to me it's probably best to message me or post on here.

So to all my NOW friends and family.  I love you all and I'm glad you like me enough to put up with me!!!!

Bye from Molly and Me! xxx

Lots happening and happened!

Teri and Molly's walk

Sorry I've not posted for a while.  I've not been well and life has been busy.  I seem to be spending all my time catching up.

Yesterday was a good day.  Steve an I went to London for a fund raiser so Teri stayed home with Molly.  They had a good day.  They curled up in the morning and went for a long walk in the afternoon.  Poor Molly was shattered after a very long walk so she curled up and slept!!!  

Teri broke Molly! lol!

While I was in London I was talking to a friend of Steve's about dogs and how his son brought him a dog when he left home for Canada.  He said he got his dad the dog to keep him company while he was away.  He was saying that the dog had filled the space of a child and he was sightly obsessed with the dog and didn't like to leave him.  It was lovely to speak to some one who feels the same way I do!  I love Teri to pieces and no one will ever replace her but she's growing up and doesn't need me as much any more.  So Molly has stepped into the dependant spot in my life!  

Teri has always been very independent, even before she was a young carer! but now she's leaving school and starting A levels she's getting on with her life and leaving me behind.  Which is how it should be.  That's part of being a kid.  You grow up and leave people behind.  Molly came along at a time when Teri was moving on and she needed some one to care for her.  So we care for each other.  She's there for me and I'm there for her.  Yesterday I missed them both so much.  It was lovely to go out for the day but it's even better to come home.

I was given a single red rose yesterday!  I've never been given a single rose like that!  It was from a friend. He thought he'd offended me, he hadn't! I was more worried about him than anything else!  He was angry about something and I was worried he would do something stupid and get in trouble.  It was lovely being given the rose!  I don't think he realised how much it meant to me.  For some one to think of me like that was really kind.

Mark 'dancing'!!

It was fun at the Dublin Castle.  Mark and Karen came with us, Mark had fun dancing away!!!  I had a laugh with some mates and made some new mates while cheering on Wales in the Rugby!  I've not got a clue about it but I'm part Welsh so I cheered them on! lol!

More Madness

After the rugby I went into the back room and watched More Madness play.  They were really good.  They played all Madness songs and not a few Madness songs and the rest ska.  They also got the crowd going which was good.  Hopefully they'll play again at a Mad Chat Fund Raiser.  

Steve raised a lot yesterday.  £2400 on the Just Giving site for ticket sales then another £240 through sales of donated items.  All the money is going to Teenage Cancer Trust.  Each fund raiser he raises more. People are so generous.  We had donations of items and so many cash donations.  It's lovely and shows people can be very kind and generous even at times when money is tight.

I've decided to spend less time on the PC and more time relaxing doing crafts etc.  I've ordered 'Art Therapy' Magazine and I'm going to set aside time each day for that, I'm also reading Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman's Good Omens book.  I've read it before, about 17 years ago but I'm determined to read it again.  I remember it being very funny and clever!  I'm also crocheting a blanket for me and Molly to curl up under in the winter.  I've done a load of squares so far but I've got loads more to do!  It's something to keep my hands and mind busy.

I'd like to say that I've been out and about having fun the last few weeks and that's why I haven't been on here.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  I'm having big problems with my diabetes.  I don't usually talk about my diabetes because I worry that people will think I'm diabetic because I'm fat and lazy.  I wish!  Mine is due to damage to my pancreas.  It's been 12 years since I was first diagnose, everything was ok.  Under control etc.  Then 12 months ago it went tits up!  It took months and a lot of support from my diabetic nurse Rachel to get things stable.  Then out of the blue 6 weeks ago things suddenly went tits up again!  So back to Rachel every week and up my meds.  After a few weeks it was clear that despite putting my meds up and up.  So now I've got to go back this Tuesday and see what the next plan of action is.  

I know people think diabetes is just high glucose levels, it's not.  In my case it causes my pancreas and liver to swell causing severe pain.  On top of that it sets off other conditions causing pain and discomfort.  So I've spent a lot of time at home in pain.  I'm hoping that I'm reaching the end of it all now and I'll get the meds sorted and everything else will follow.  

Nurse Molly has been very good!!  She forces me to sit down then sits on me so I can't go any where!!! lol!  She's been a god send.  When I'm feeling rough she's there to cheer me up and give me cuddles.  I don't know what I'd do without her.  She's my angel.

Bye xx