Update, of sorts!!

I've not posted for a while.  Several reasons.  Been really busy, been on holiday and had too many things going around my head so I didn't know what to post!  I know hardly anyone reads this (if anyone does!! lol!) But I enjoy posting and looking back over my post.  It's helped me to sort thought, explain who I am and to help me to feel accepted in the world.  So I'm going to keep posting! lol!

Molly is well.  She's curled up on my lap snoozing after messing about trying to eat my foot!!!  She does that every so often, she'll pretend she's big and scary and bark at me then I ignore her and she growls and pretends to bite my foot.  Anyone watching through the window would think that she's a vicious dog attacking me!  She's not, she's a nutty pup who loves play fighting.  She's boisterous but if she really hurt anyone she'd be so upset!  I find it fun too.  We mess about and play fight then she falls asleep and I can to some work.  It's our routine I guess!  Strange but that's us!

View from Caravan!

We had an amazing holiday at Devon Cliffs.  The view was amazing as usual. That's the good thing about holidays on a cliff, wherever you are you look out to sea!  I spent hours watching fishing boats.  It was so relaxing and just what we all needed.

Molly on the beach

Molly loved the beach!!  She wasn't so keen on the waves! They didn't taste nice and they kept sneaking up on her so she tried to bark at them!  Hey, I never said she was sensible!  

It's one of the big advantages of going in October.  Dogs are allowed on the beach.  It was a very big, steep slope down to the beach, but I made it down there.  We had a lovely walk along the beach.  It was the end of October, but we were baking!  We were very lucky with the weather too.  It rained on the Friday night and Saturday but Sunday and Monday was really hot.  Mind you the rain didn't put us off.  We went for a walk between showers!

Finally, a decent shot of Steve!

Teri took some amazing pictures.  She really enjoyed wandering off with her camera and catching random shots.  She even managed to get a nice one of Steve!!! That's very hard to do!!

She got right up on the cliff and took shots of the Jurasic Coast line.  It's amazing to see and to be honest the only way you'd see it is by climbing to the top like she did or by boat.  There's no way down to sea on this side of the cliff.  What you can't see on this picture is the clay is so red the colour 'bleeds' into the sea and the whole coastline water is as red as the cliff.  It's beautiful to see.

My favourite shot was taken by chance!  Steve and I had popped out in the car on the last night there so Teri took Molly for a walk and took her camera for some final shots.  She managed to get the most amazing shot of the sea, sky and moon.  The blue of the sky could only of lasted a few minutes.  If she'd gone out any earlier or later she'd of missed it.  

The last night.

The blue looks like it could of been painted by angels.  The moon gently dabbed in by faries.  The land shaded by pixies.   If you can't tell I love it!  I'm going to get it printed on a canvas so I can put it on the wall.  Some times I look at a picture and feel it's special and this one is very special.

It was lovely to be home in our own beds but I loved being by the sea with amazing views to walk in.  If I won the lottery I'd buy a caravan down there and never leave!  It was a badly needed holiday for us all.  Hopefully next year it's the Isle of Man then the year after we'll go back to Devon Cliffs.  It's become a home away from home!

And it's back to the real world with a bang.  Lots of work to do, studying to do (btw got my exam result and I passed!!) and lots of driving Teri to and from college and work!  All her hard work has paid off and she's got a Christmas Temp job at Argos!  Here's hoping it helps her to find something permenant!

Well that's us.  Time to get sorted and prepare for THAT event at the end of December! x

One Year On .....

This time last year I was in a dark place.  I was depressed, lonely, felt like I wasn't going any where and I'd never be happy.

The 18th October 2014 came round and my life changed totally.

Because of what happened on 18th October I am now walking 2km per day.  

Because of what happened on 18th October I am now walking with walking sticks and not a frame.

Because of what happened on 18th October I am now driving.

Because of what happened on 18th October I am now happy, safe and no longer feel alone.

So what happened?  In one word.....

MOLLY!

Who'd of guessed the one thing I needed in my life was a mad mixed terrier!?!  Since she came to live with us I have some one there 24/7 who will love me, cuddle me and make me feel needed.  She nags me to take her for a walk every day so I go out and my strength is getting better every day.  If you'd of told me this time last year that I'd enjoy walking and I'd be getting good at it I'd of laughed at you! But I am! I love getting out and going for a walk, come rain or shine, it's just nice to be outside away from everything for a while so I can clear my head.

I've still got some way to go but I'm hoping that the strength I've built up now I can keep going through out the winter and the bad weather.

I know Molly won't realise what day it is on 18th but I will.  It will be the day my life turned around and I could start to see a better life ahead.

And I owe all that to Molly.

and it's a good night from Molly xxxxxx 

 

What difference

July 2015

While out I realised how far I've come with my walking, I don't mean how far I've walked! I mean how much stronger I am now.

The picture on the right is a screen shot from my phone.  It says I walked 1.58 miles (2.5km) in 54 minutes.  What it doesn't say is I sat down at least 4 times during that because I needed a rest! In fact I used to have to stop as soon as I got to the field as I was in pain.

Today (Sept 2015)

Now look at the picture on the right.  I've walked 2.8km without stopping once.  I took it slow today, usually I can walk that route in 40 minutes but I felt like being lazy today and just wandering along!

The hedge I used to sit by!

It was only as I was up there and I'd walked 2 3rds of the way round I realised I don't have to stop any more.  I had set places I'd stop along the route.  Molly started to learn where they were and she'd potter about while I had a rest.  Now I can carry on and walk the whole route and then some!  Yeah I still need my walking frame but I can walk it!  I'll settle for that! lol!

'MUMMMMM Hurry up!'

For years i just accepted I couldn't walk far and worked round it.  Now I know all I needed to do was push myself a little harder and I can do it.  I've learnt where all the quiet spaces are, where I can go to get away from the town without having to drive out of it and more importantly I feel a lot better for it.  Not just physically, mentally too.  It's reached the point where this hermit doesn't want to be stuck at home!  Come rain or shine Molly drags me out and I love it!  I love walking in the rain and coming home soaked, I love walking in the wind hearing it whistle through the trees as I fight to stand up, I love walking in the sunshine getting a tan and it bleaching my hair!  

It's natural! HONEST!!

Some one asked me yesterday why I'd stopped bleaching my hair.  They were stunned to hear I hadn't bleached it since I was 23!  In fact 4 months ago I used a colour removal kit and stripped the brown off my hair, leaving it natural.  Walking in the sun every afternoon has bleached it without any help.

Most of all I love the freedom it's given me.  Yesterday I walked to the bus stop and got the bus to New College, I then got the bus back to Rodbourne Cheney and walked the 2km home.  Why? Because I could!! lol!  Then once I got home I took Molly out for a 2km walk in the rain!!

I've found an App called My Fitness Pal.  It's helping me to loose weight (lost 2kg so far!) It's full of people like me who are desperate to loose weight but find it difficult.  Together we support each other and point out where we could make changes which would help us loose more weight.  By tracking what I eat I've seen where I've gone wrong, carbs! I'm addicted to them and they're really bad for me!  For years I was told to avoid fat and eat carbs as they're better for me. No they're not! If you're like me and diabetic carbs are the worse thing in the world you can eat.  So I've had to change what I eat and cut as many carbs out of my diet.  It's really helped my blood tests.  The levels have dropped so low I came close to a hypo for the first time in years on Monday!  

I've still got a long way to go but mentally and physically I feel so much better and I can see a light at the end of the tunnel instead of a man with a torch and a sign saying 'The light is off due to maintenance!' 

So here's to more walking and more improvement!

Terriers, Media, The news and relationships (in other words, a mixed blog post!!!)

Some of you may of heard about the 15 day old baby who was killed by the family Terrier.  Yes it's very sad but there are a few things that bother me about the story.

Please realise I'm not blaming any one.  I was bitten by our family dog when I was 8 so of all people I know a trusted dog can do stupid things!!  To this day I still blame myself for that.  It was a total misunderstanding and in hindsight no one (or dog) was to blame.

HOWEVER!  A family dog does not live in the shed!  Especially one as small as a terrier.  I can get a large dog being shut somewhere at night so they don't do damage etc but a 12 inch high dog can be easily put in a room somewhere if needed.  A dog who spends a lot of time shut away in a shed isn't going to learn to socialise with people and by the sounds of things this dog was only a year old so that would of been the crucial time for it to socialise.

Poor Foxy is squeakless and legless now!

Also, think about what a Terrier was bred for. Believe it or not it wasn't to be a small, handbag dog!  Honestly, dogs used to be bred for a reason and not fashion!!!  A Terrier literally means Earth Dog. They where bred to hunt in tunnels and dens, to work alone and keep themselves safe and to hunt small squeaky animals.  That's why they are such independent dogs who have appalling recall.  They can look after themselves so why bother coming when you call? You have nothing to offer!  It's also why Molly removes the squeaker from every toy she has!  It drives her nuts as it triggers her hunt instinct.   Any one who has seen her with her toys knows she grabs them and shakes them just like she would a rat in the wild.  

That's why no breeder or Dog Sanctuary would ever in their right mind home a terrier with a baby!  Just think of the pitch of a baby's cry.  Now compare it to a squeaking rat.  It's the same tone and no amount of training etc will breed out the natural instinct in a terrier.

This is now going to give Terriers a really bad press and people are going to panic.  Which for the 1000's of terriers in sanctuaries is very sad and in some cases fatal.  Like I said I don't blame any one but as a general rule of thumb you never leave any dog alone with a baby.  No matter how much you trust them you can never tell how they'd react.  I love Molly to pieces and trust her (accept when it comes to walks, she stays on the lead or we'd never get her home!!) but I'd never leave her with a baby as I don't know how she'd cope.  

Terriers aren't dangerous dogs but they have become a bit of a fashion dog.  People get them because they're small and think they're easy.  To be honest the smaller the dog the more work they need.  Compare Molly to a Lab.  The lab would happily just have one quick walk a day and sleep the rest!  Molly on the other hand would go spare if she didn't have 3 good long walks a day at least!  I just hope that this doesn't cause terriers to be victimised.  It's not their fault people get them and don't look into their background.

Ok part two of this blog post!  Totally different to the first part but I didn't want to post two post in one day!!

Last night I was on Facebook for the first time in months and some one I've not seen or heard from in over 15 years popped up on another persons post (I'm not going to say who for obvious reasons).  To start off I was hit with a pain in my heart because I missed this person a lot.  Then I started to think about things and I realised I'd tried to contact this person a few times since then but they chose not to talk to me.  Then the more I thought about it the more I realised that the person I knew and cared about didn't exist any more.  They'd moved on and become some one else and if they decided they didn't want to talk to me then that meant I'd moved on too and getting upset about it wasn't worth it.  Yeah I still miss them but as I said I miss the person I knew, I don't know the person they are now so how can I miss them?

Then at stupid o'clock my mate popped up on my messenger and made me realise that those who choose to be around you are those that make you who you are and make you happy.  Next thing I knew the picture above appeared on my FB page so I took it as a sign to stop dwelling on the past and move on!

And so ended my FB visit for another few months!!  Sorry if I missed you on there (found a friend request that could of been there months! Oops!!) I really only use it for games.  Social media and mental health aren't a good match!  If you want to chat to me it's probably best to message me or post on here.

So to all my NOW friends and family.  I love you all and I'm glad you like me enough to put up with me!!!!

Bye from Molly and Me! xxx

Lots happening and happened!

Teri and Molly's walk

Sorry I've not posted for a while.  I've not been well and life has been busy.  I seem to be spending all my time catching up.

Yesterday was a good day.  Steve an I went to London for a fund raiser so Teri stayed home with Molly.  They had a good day.  They curled up in the morning and went for a long walk in the afternoon.  Poor Molly was shattered after a very long walk so she curled up and slept!!!  

Teri broke Molly! lol!

While I was in London I was talking to a friend of Steve's about dogs and how his son brought him a dog when he left home for Canada.  He said he got his dad the dog to keep him company while he was away.  He was saying that the dog had filled the space of a child and he was sightly obsessed with the dog and didn't like to leave him.  It was lovely to speak to some one who feels the same way I do!  I love Teri to pieces and no one will ever replace her but she's growing up and doesn't need me as much any more.  So Molly has stepped into the dependant spot in my life!  

Teri has always been very independent, even before she was a young carer! but now she's leaving school and starting A levels she's getting on with her life and leaving me behind.  Which is how it should be.  That's part of being a kid.  You grow up and leave people behind.  Molly came along at a time when Teri was moving on and she needed some one to care for her.  So we care for each other.  She's there for me and I'm there for her.  Yesterday I missed them both so much.  It was lovely to go out for the day but it's even better to come home.

I was given a single red rose yesterday!  I've never been given a single rose like that!  It was from a friend. He thought he'd offended me, he hadn't! I was more worried about him than anything else!  He was angry about something and I was worried he would do something stupid and get in trouble.  It was lovely being given the rose!  I don't think he realised how much it meant to me.  For some one to think of me like that was really kind.

Mark 'dancing'!!

It was fun at the Dublin Castle.  Mark and Karen came with us, Mark had fun dancing away!!!  I had a laugh with some mates and made some new mates while cheering on Wales in the Rugby!  I've not got a clue about it but I'm part Welsh so I cheered them on! lol!

More Madness

After the rugby I went into the back room and watched More Madness play.  They were really good.  They played all Madness songs and not a few Madness songs and the rest ska.  They also got the crowd going which was good.  Hopefully they'll play again at a Mad Chat Fund Raiser.  

Steve raised a lot yesterday.  £2400 on the Just Giving site for ticket sales then another £240 through sales of donated items.  All the money is going to Teenage Cancer Trust.  Each fund raiser he raises more. People are so generous.  We had donations of items and so many cash donations.  It's lovely and shows people can be very kind and generous even at times when money is tight.

I've decided to spend less time on the PC and more time relaxing doing crafts etc.  I've ordered 'Art Therapy' Magazine and I'm going to set aside time each day for that, I'm also reading Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman's Good Omens book.  I've read it before, about 17 years ago but I'm determined to read it again.  I remember it being very funny and clever!  I'm also crocheting a blanket for me and Molly to curl up under in the winter.  I've done a load of squares so far but I've got loads more to do!  It's something to keep my hands and mind busy.

I'd like to say that I've been out and about having fun the last few weeks and that's why I haven't been on here.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  I'm having big problems with my diabetes.  I don't usually talk about my diabetes because I worry that people will think I'm diabetic because I'm fat and lazy.  I wish!  Mine is due to damage to my pancreas.  It's been 12 years since I was first diagnose, everything was ok.  Under control etc.  Then 12 months ago it went tits up!  It took months and a lot of support from my diabetic nurse Rachel to get things stable.  Then out of the blue 6 weeks ago things suddenly went tits up again!  So back to Rachel every week and up my meds.  After a few weeks it was clear that despite putting my meds up and up.  So now I've got to go back this Tuesday and see what the next plan of action is.  

I know people think diabetes is just high glucose levels, it's not.  In my case it causes my pancreas and liver to swell causing severe pain.  On top of that it sets off other conditions causing pain and discomfort.  So I've spent a lot of time at home in pain.  I'm hoping that I'm reaching the end of it all now and I'll get the meds sorted and everything else will follow.  

Nurse Molly has been very good!!  She forces me to sit down then sits on me so I can't go any where!!! lol!  She's been a god send.  When I'm feeling rough she's there to cheer me up and give me cuddles.  I don't know what I'd do without her.  She's my angel.

Bye xx

This is why I love her!

Molly suddenly got better yesterday.  She was bouncing about and back to her normal self.  It was lovely to see and a big relief.

Then last night I was very ill.  I'd been struggling for a few days, determined to keep going.  Then last night it hit me with a vengeance.  I thought I was going to have to go to the hospital I was so ill.  Molly sensed I was ill and curled up on me being careful not to hurt me.  Her just being there helped me and made me feel loved.  I don't know how I coped without her.

I'm still feeling rough now but the pain has eased a little.  I'm having an early night with Mol then I'll see how I am tomorrow morning.  One thing I know is if I am awake ill tonight I won't be alone.  Mol will be there for me.

Bye x

Poorly Mol!

We've been a bit worried about Molly the last 48 hours.  She was really down and kept going to the gate, looking down the road.  She was really out of sorts. We then had a 'd'oh' moment when we realised that she was missing the two boys!  

Today she's had lots of cuddles and walks then this afternoon I had to go out.  I was only out for 40 mins tops.  She wasn't happy I was going but when I got home she was back to her usual bouncy self and fine again!

I think the boys going triggered her insecurities and she worried we were going to leave her too.  By me going out then coming back she realised we weren't going to leave her.  Hopefully she's snapped out of it now and she'll be ok again.  It was heart breaking seeing her that upset.

As for me, B12 jab again.  Kind of explains why I've been so down the last few weeks.  Hopefully by tomorrow I'll feel a bit better.  If not I'm sure Mol will cheer me up!

That reminds me, yesterday I left Molly home with Teri while I went shopping.  Teri was watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition.  She said it was a really heartbreaking story and it made her cry.  Molly went up to her and tapped her on her arm, Teri turned round and Mol gave her a big hug!  Teri said she realised what a special little dog she is.  She knew Teri was upset and wanted to make her happy.  She's done it to me a few times but it's the first time she's done it to Teri.  I think it made Teri feel a bit special and closer to Mol too.

Here's hoping we don't have to cheer Mol up tomorrow and the old Mol is back.

Bye x

One busy weekend!!

This weekend we had my sister in laws two 8 month old Jack Russell's.  Yes it was as manic as you think it would be but it was fun!!

They all got on really well.  Buddy the dominant pup is very into play fighting and wanted to be in charge but accepted that Molly was boss.  They had great fun play fighting and rolling in the mud!  

Little Spot is, to quote his mum 'a few sandwiches short of a picnic!' He's not into play fighting so when Molly tried to get him to join in he wasn't sure and ran inside!  Instead every time Molly sat on my lap he'd try and curl up with her.  The problem being Molly has been a lone dog 95% of her life so she's not sure about dogs cuddling up with her!  By Sunday morning he hadn't given up.  He waited until Molly was asleep on my lap then curled up beside me and stretched over with his nose and put it on her back!  It was so cute!  They stayed like that for an hour until she woke and was a bit stunned!! She turned around and went back to sleep so he moved over again and put his nose back on her! 

By Sunday tea time they'd all sorted their places and were getting on perfectly.  It was so sweet.  When they left she stood by the gate watching the car drive away.  It was heart breaking.  She came in and we made a big fuss of her.  She then collapsed on the sofa and slept until bed time!!  

This morning was fun.  She wouldn't get up so I left her a while, an hour and a half later this was her answer to getting up!  As you can see she wasn't keen.  To put it mildly!  Even now at 9am she's asleep on my lap after being dragged outside.  I think she loved having the boys over for a weekend but any more might finish her off!!!!

At least she's got some time to rest.  It's half term so Teri and I are off to meet up with my friend and her 18 month old son.  So while we have coffee and chat Molly can curl up at home and sleep!

The house seems quiet this morning, but I wouldn't want 2 JR puppies myself! They're mad!!! Lovely but mad! 

Time to get ready.  Poor Mol!! lol!

Bye xx

Does this dog ever wake up???!

I've noticed a lot of Molly's pictures are of her sleeping.  It's not that she's always asleep, its just the one time she's still so I can get a photo!! Here's a few more sleepy photos!:

Molly's 'bed'!

In the morning Molly goes back to bed while I go in the shower.  A few days ago she found a new place to sleep, the top of my bed!!


I can't lie flat so the head of my bed is raised up, then I've got a body pillow I use but during the day I put it in the gap between the top of the bed and the wall.  That's where Molly is!!!  The first time she did it she took her blanket up with her and burrowed under it and I couldn't find her!! I thought she'd got out some how then I saw two eyes peaking out from under the blanket!  This morning it was obviously too much effort to take her blanket with her!! lol!

Looking at that photo she looks tiny.  That's my pillow in front of her.  I forget she's smaller than our cats.

Molly's quilt and toys

Molly's Pet Pocket

Last month I found a great site on Facebook called Sarah's Crafty Sew n Sews.  My friend had got several things from her for her dog and they were all really good quality.  So I got Molly a quilt and two 'squggies' (tugga toys).  She has the quilt on the sofa and if she's cold she'll curl up on it next to me rather than on me because it's warmer for her.  Last week I ordered her a Pet Pocket, it arrived this afternoon.  As soon as I opened the outer bag she saw the material and dived at it!! So I put the pocket on the recliner and she jumped up and into it!!  That was 30 mins ago and she's not moved since so I'm guessing its a hit?! lol! Have to say its really soft and warm.  Perfect for cold days like today.  It's big enough for her to climb in and walk around in so hopefully I can put it on the bed and she can snuggle under it when she's cold.  She won't go under the quilt, which I guess is a good thing! I just worry she gets too cold.  This way if she does she can curl up in the pocket.

Bye x

Post surgery

Morning all,

Well yesterday was busy.  The morning was spent getting 2 new tattoos then the afternoon I had dental surgery at the hospital.  To be honest it was better than when I had less teeth taken out at the dentist but still horrible.  Having fun this morning though.  The whole left side of my face is numb.  I called the hospital to check this was ok and got a mixed reply!  20 years ago I had an extra tooth removed from the top back right side of my jaw.  One of the teeth taken out yesterday was next to that one.  Apparently it was too high and extremely close to my nasal cavity, what they've now realised is the nerve wasn't in the right place either!! So there's a chance they've damaged it.  I have to wait a few days before I'll know.  It could be severely swollen or nicked, if so it will settle down in a few weeks max.  If its badly damaged I'll have this numbness forever.  Great!  Half wishing I'd never gone to the dentist now!


Back to the good part of the day!  I had Molly's foot tattooed on my right wrist.  I wanted to get it done as a permanent reminder of Molly but its turned out to be much more than that.  Yesterday when I was at the hospital I saw it and calmed down.  I know that sounds weird, I guess seeing it reminded me of Molly and how much we've both been through and it gave me strength to get through the next part. 

Molly knew I wasn't right when I got home yesterday.  She was gentle with me and cuddled up to me.  Right now she's on my lap and I'm not allowed to go any where without her!! It's kind of nice some one cares that much about me.  I was told not to be alone for 24 hours but as the snow didn't come as promised that hasn't happened.  So Nurse Molly is looking after me!  She's a good nurse! She sits on me so I rest and listens to me when I rabbit on! No one else does! lol!

Oh well, back to resting I guess.  I can't go out because the cold makes it seriously hurt.  Plus I'm still wobbly on my feet!!  So time to check out the TiVo box!

Bye!

Just the two of us!

Nice quiet day today.  Just Mol and me.  Steve is out, Teri's at school until 4 today.  So we've had a quiet morning, Mol slept on my lap while I did paperwork.  Well I say paperwork, it was phone calls and emails chasing up my student loan!  Great isn't it, I officially start my OU course on Saturday and I've still not got my student loan sorted!!!  The OU have been great and keep saying all they want is for me to keep them informed but I'm worried sick about it!  I hate things like this. Sooner its sorted the better!

Got as far as its being processed as we speak and gave up! Had lunch and went for a nice walk. another half a mile!!  I know it's no marathon but for me its a huge step!  I still need my walking frame and it takes me a while but I can just about do it.  Molly's good, she knows I can't walk as fast as Steve so stays beside me.  I'm listening to Stephen Fry on audible as we walk.  I've tried reading his book but as he admits at the start of it he's a word-smith and uses 50 words when he could use 5 so it is very heavy reading!  Listening is much better and I can do it anywhere!! lol!  I'm up to chapter 14 and gawd knows what people think! There's me with my frame and little terrier Molly and I'm bursting out with laughter or going 'OH!!!!'.  Oh well! I think they're use to the mad woman of Greenmeadow by now! 

I guess that's my last walk with Molly for a few days at least.  I'm off to the hospital tomorrow to have 2 teeth and 4 roots taken out.  It hurt like hell last time and that was 1 tooth and one root.  So I'm not looking forward to it.  I've got a new book (Well new to me, 14p of Amazon! lol!) 'Fallen Masters' by John Edward.  Read some of it yesterday and its really good.  I'm planning on resting up and reading when I feel I can.  

Oh and I'm off to get 2 new tattoos tomorrow morning!  My tattooist had a family emergency so had to cancel at Christmas so I've had my Christmas money sat waiting all month!! I'm hoping the tatts will help take my mind off things tomorrow.  I'm really not looking forward to it!

Molly is sound asleep on my lap again, so I think that's a good excuse to do some more reading!!

Bye x